I was sure God Let Me Down

God hadn’t held up His end of the bargain. I was wholeheartedly following God. I’m certainly not perfect but in each area of my life I tried to choose God’s will. Why had it led to so much pain?

My young daughter had recently tried to commit suicide. Although I didn’t know it yet, another daughter had been raped. Her behavior certainly shouted her inner world was in turmoil. To add to the tension, my husband and I didn’t agree on how to deal with these things. My faith that God would protect my children had crumbled.

There were ugly behaviors in my family tree: alcoholism, mental illness, sexual identity struggles. I believed those things had been blocked when we committed our family to God. We served Him as missionaries and at our church. We repented and prayed over generational sins. Yet bad things kept happening. The daughter who’d been raped tried to take her life also. Another child struggled with her mental health. Where was God?

He’s right where He said He’d be. God is always by our side and we’re engraved on the palm of His hands. (Rom 8:38-38 and Isaiah 42:13)

Jesus tells us in Mat 6:13 to pray for God to deliver us from the Evil One. The Evil One has tried repeatedly to attack my family. He tends to use tactics that have worked in the past. But I was looking at it all wrong. It wasn’t alcoholism or suicide attempts that are the actual “generational curse.” The devil was trying to convince us that God is unwilling or unable to help when bad things happen. Satan wants us to believe we’re alone and God doesn’t care. I almost fell for it. I told my husband the agnostics had it right, there was no proof God was involved in our lives.

God waited patiently for me to see the truth.

God was at work. He protected my daughter’s life when she hated herself. He taught me about a deep forgiveness that saved my marriage. In the middle of our struggles God was leading us toward His arms and His heart. When another “bad thing” happened I was able to recognize the goodness of God. He was stopping someone I love from following their own will down a dangerous path. These days I pray for protection from the Evil One while I trust God to lead us down paths of righteousness for the sake of His name.

It's possible to worship God based on His good character even if I don't understand His motives. Click To Tweet. Let’s trust His goodness and train our eyes to see past our circumstances and into His heart.

You’ll find a stellar example of this in the short book of Habakkuk. It starts out with a description of Israel that sounds like the United States today. Habakkuk wonders why God isn’t doing anything to stop the injustice. The book ends with Habakkuk praising God even though his circumstances have actually gotten worse. It’s worth reading.




  1. ginger gentry said:

    I LOVE YOU! always have, always will!
    Thank you for writing. More please!!! You know i have walked the same pain in my journey, and am thankful that our lives weren’t destroyed by it but strengthened. I share openly also, there is nothing new under the sun and the truth of His walking thru the fire with us needs to be shouted from the roof tops. Looking back I see He was there all the time too. I felt my pain for a while, then I felt His arms from then on.
    Our lives were forever changed but they needed to be.

    August 15, 2016
    • “I felt my pain for a while, then I felt His arms from then on.”
      Amen Sister!! I love you, too!

      August 16, 2016
  2. Amen. I know all too well about generational hurts and this post struck my heart strings. Thank you for sharing this and being open with us. I’m tweeting it out. Glad to have come by today. xoxo

    August 15, 2016
  3. Terri said:

    Thank you Leslie. I too have struggled with ‘where’s God?’ I still do, and am still angry at Him sometimes, but always know his character and goodness. I appreciate your transparency. Love to all❤️

    August 15, 2016
  4. Gina Hines said:

    Hi Leslie,
    I just want to say I appreciate your honesty and that your words moved deep in my heart.

    August 12, 2016
  5. Thank you Greg.
    I had to ask permission from my kids to post that. But I think it helps all of us feel less alone to “see behind the curtain” into another believers reality. Thanks for sharing a piece of yours. You and Robin rock!

    August 12, 2016
  6. Greg McAtee said:

    Leslie, thank you so much for your honesty and openness in sharing what many would call so sensitive a subject that it should be kept hidden. Robin and I have gone through a lot with our family, from a son and daughter walking away from God (one suffering from depression), and another one suffering from severe anxiety. We has sat and wondered the same thing, where’s God in all of this? Your blog has provided much encouragement, and I just want to encourage you as you record your spiritual journey, that what you are saying is not falling on deaf ears. God bless you and Scot as you continue on. We love you guys!

    Greg and Robin

    August 12, 2016

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